A Heart Flooded with Light

"For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline." 2 Timothy 1:7

It was one of the most beautiful sights I've ever seen. With my hands folded in prayer, I lifted my head and opened my eyes. My world was immediately flooded with light, as I gazed at the beauty of the candles all around me. Another night of prayer at the beautiful grotto on Notre Dame's campus...another night of redemption in the presence of the Lord.

To me, this sight is a perfect representation of who Jesus is. Jesus, You are a God of Light. You have filled my eyes with awe time and time again. You are a God of Hope. You are a God of Wonder.

Ephesians 1:18 says, "I pray that your hearts will be flooded with light so that you can understand the confident hope He has given to those He called - His holy people who are His rich and glorious inheritance." Jesus, I know You are longing to flood our hearts with light. You are just waiting to enliven us with Your hope and to awake our souls with Your joy.

So here's my question: If there's a God who is longing to flood our lives with His glorious light, what have we to fear? Why are we so afraid? Ask yourselves, "If God is for us, who can EVER be against us?" (Romans 8:31)

Here's my challenge to you: stop living your life in fear. You know what FEAR stands for? False Expectations Appear Real. The majority of the time, our fear is the result of our tendency to distort reality. We constantly exaggerate the situation at hand to make it seem worse than it really is. In doing so, we assume that failure is sure to follow and that the idea of hope is far distanced. What we must realize is that if we have Jesus, we have all the hope we could ever need.

Is there something that is holding you back from truly living? Is there something that is forcing you to live your life in fear? Why do you fear? Is it because you fail to see the Light of Jesus before your eyes?  Here's my advice: OPEN YOUR EYES. See His presence all around you. Look for His grace and His beauty in the simplest of ways. Trust me, He is there. We have no concrete evidence disproving the existence of God, and yet we have countless stories of redemption shining light upon His everlasting grace.

Two weeks ago I told you lovely readers about a friend of mine who is in rehab for a drug addiction. I've realized that this friend is way too fearful of a life without drugs. His fear is keeping him from truly living. He is afraid because he fears that without the drugs he will not feel happy, confident, or successful. Yet in reality, the drugs are only doing the exact opposite for him. Instead of being surrounded by the light of Christ, He is surrounded by complete and utter fear every day of his life. I can't even begin to comprehend how terrifying his life must be right now. And I can't even imagine how terrifying a life without Jesus is. There's nothing that would make me more fearful than if I didn't have my sweet Redeemer Jesus.

Proverbs 31:25 says, "She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future." Because of Jesus, these words are the anthem of my life. I have Jesus, so I do not fear. I have Jesus, so I "laugh without fear of the future," meaning I am not afraid of what tomorrow brings. I find it interesting how oftentimes people automatically assume that my life is perfect simply because I am joyful. Yet I, like every other individual on this planet, have been through plenty of trials and tribulations that have stripped me of my joy. I once lived in fear...fearing that I wasn't good enough, fearing that others were always miles and miles ahead of me, fearing that I will never amount to anything. But then Jesus came in and swept me off my feet, saying, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest" (Matthew 11:28). He surely gave me rest; He rid me of my fear and replaced that fear with an unquenchable joy.

I am joyful because I have Jesus.
I am fearless because I have Jesus.
And you can be the exact same.

I've realized that I am 100% content with the fact that the only importance to my life is Jesus. I've said it once and I'll say it a thousand times more, there is nothing sweeter than the love of Christ. Everyday, I fall more and more in love with Him, and one day, I hope and pray that you may be able to say the same thing about your life. Keep running towards Him and never stop; keep clinging to His grace and never let go. There's no other way to rid your life of fear and gain true joy unless you cling to Him completely.

So here's the thing: you have a choice. You can choose to live your life just as my friend in rehab lives his life, or you can live differently. You can live in constant fear of a life without drugs, or you can live in constant fear of the Lord, totally in awe of His love. You can make drugs your everything, or you can make Jesus your everything. The same goes for any other thing in your life that acts as a detriment to your joy. It's your choice. This life is your own; it's all up to you. You decide.

Song of the week: "Safe" by Phil Wickham
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a6c3CYdqTG8

Lord, create in us hearts flooded with Your light. Rid us of our fear.

The Beauty of Death

It's interesting how someone you've never even met can have such a profound effect on your life.

Her name was Kelsey Bernard. She reached the climax of her life in September of 2009.

Their names were Anna Basso and Micaela White. They reached the climax of their lives in the summer of 2011.

His name was Paul Ledet. He reached the climax of his life in October of 2012.

Philippians 1:21 says, "For to me, life is Christ, and death is gain." Life is Christ and death is gain. If this life is all about Jesus, and our ultimate goal is to become one with Him, then is not death the greatest and most significant part of our lives? If Christ is our everything, is not death better than anything? As strange as it sounds, death is truly the climax of life.

Saint Therese of Lisieux once said, "Angels do not remain on this earth; when they have accomplished their mission, they return instantly to Heaven. That is why they have wings." In 2009, Kelsey gained her wings. In 2011, Anna and Micaela gained their wings. And just this month, Paul gained his. What we must realize is that it is only HUMAN to miss them. Why do we long for their faces, long to hear their voices? We are only human. Why do we cling to every memory or picture we have of them? We are only human. Why do we feel as if we cannot move on without them? We are only human.

I did not know any one of these four angels personally. However, they have each made a lasting impact on my life. They have helped to shape me and form me, making me the person I am today.

Kelsey went to the same dance studio as my best friend Lexi. They danced together for many years, and Lexi has mentioned time and time again that Kelsey was such a role model in both her dancing and the way she lived her life. In September 2009, Kelsey died in a car accident. Anna Basso went to a high school near my home, and Micaela White went to my own high school. They had been best friends their whole lives, and both were a grade above me. During the summer of 2011, within just a few months of each other, they both lost their lives to cancer. Paul Ledet went to the same summer camp, Sky Ranch, that I have been going to for seven years now. He went to camp this past summer just the week before I did, and many of my past camp friends knew him very well. This month, Paul and a few of his family members died in a plane crash.

Looking at pictures or watching videos of these four beautiful angels instantly brings tears to my eyes. It causes me to wonder, If there's really a God, how could He let this happen? If God is all-loving and all-powerful, if He is truly our Savior, why doesn't He save His suffering children with His love?

It is only human to question in this manner. It is only human to feel angry, confused, depressed, or lost.

But here is my challenge to you: begin to see the beauty of death.

Looking back on my life thus far, I have found that the times in which I have experienced the most happiness were the times when I was with Jesus.

It was a warm summer's night, and I was sitting on the porch of Cabin 27 at Sky Ranch Christian Camp with my counselor Krista Pirtle. It was pitch black outside, except for the light near the door of the cabin. Krista said these words to me, "You see that light? There's something different about that light. Every other part of this porch is covered in darkness, but that light right there...that light makes all the difference. I need you to be that light, Haley. Be that light for Christ. Shine for Him in all that you do. For 'you are the light of the world, a city on a hill cannot be hidden' (Matthew 5:14)."

It was a cool fall afternoon, and I was sitting in my backyard talking to my cousin Frankie on the phone. After telling Frankie about something amazing that the Lord had done in my life that week, Frankie proceeded to tell me about very specific times in his life, which he once assumed to be just coincidences, but which he now realizes are very clear signs of the existence of God. I, in turn, proceeded to tell Frankie how I had been praying for the development of his faith for many weeks now, praying that he may see the presence of God all around him. And the Lord enabled him to do just that in this moment. He began to see God in ways he never had before.

It was a bright spring morning, and I was standing before my 200 classmates at our junior class retreat. I spent the next 15-20 minutes giving the first real speech I had ever given. I told them all about the ways in which the Lord has redeemed my life. I told them about the key that I wear to symbolize that God is the key to life, and how God gave me that key Himself. With the brightest of smiles on my face, I said the following words: "Always remember that God is the key to life, the key to freedom. He is the only key that can truly set us free. The struggles of this world may put us in chains, but God gives us the freedom we've been waiting for."

These three events are some of the most significant events of my life. Interesting how all three of these events revolve around Jesus, isn't it? "For to me, life is Christ, and death is gain." Because of the ways in which Jesus has taken me out of my darkness and redeemed my life, I have made my life all about His grace. My life is Christ. And to me, death is gain. I am being completely 100% honest and not exaggerating at all when I say that I would be more than happy to reach the climax of my life right now. If death means being with Jesus, then I am not afraid of death in the slightest sense. If the sheer JOY these three events have brought me were just mere tastes of what Heaven is like, then I want more of Heaven. I want more of You, Jesus.

If death and, in turn, Heaven are the climax of life, then why be afraid of death? If our lives are all about Christ, why be afraid of the moment when we are FINALLY free from the chains of this world and we are finally made ONE with Him? I cannot imagine a more important moment of life than the moment when we finally see Him face-to-face, when we look into His eyes and realize, we are finally home. We are finally free.

Death is a beautiful thing because there's nothing on this earth - no person, no place, no thing - that could ever possibly be more beautiful than the face of Jesus Christ Himself.

So that being said...here's my next challenge to you: if DEATH is GAIN, and LIFE is CHRIST, then that is exactly how you need to be living your life. Your life must be Christ. Last week I mentioned my dear friend who is now in rehab due to his drug addiction. For this friend of mine, drugs are his everything. For me, Christ is my everything. Let Christ become your everything. Let the beauty of His face be the beauty you see in each individual, and let the beauty of our final embrace with Him 
be what leads you to see the great beauty that lies in death.

Let these four angels guide you & remind you that "Life is Christ, and death is gain."

Paul Ledet

Anna Basso & Micaela White

Kelsey Bernard

Song of the week: "Before the Morning" by Josh Wilson

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MniOtRnCO9I

Addicted.

"My mom says we have hit national poverty levels so hard that we make less in a year than my dad did in a month. I called my dad. I begged, 'Dad, please lend us some money! I promise I'll pay you back. We are out of food.' He said, 'Stop asking for hand outs...get off your lazy ass, stop bitching, and go work.' I said, 'Dad, I promise I've been working myself to death but it's not enough.' He said, 'The thing is I don't care if you die. I don't care, as long as I don't have to pay for your funeral.'"

A dear friend of mine sent these words to my phone last Monday night. This week, the Lord has brought me face-to-face with more brokenness than ever imaginable. It is as if He has said to me, "Okay Haley, this week I'm going to introduce you to a whole new kind of brokenness that you didn't even know existed. I'm going to throw these stories of despair at you, and here's what I want you to do with them: tell everyone. Tell everyone about this brokenness. But more than anything, more than the brokenness, tell them about My redemption. Tell them I have come to redeem. 'The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.'" (John 10:10)

The major issue with our society is that we are a society of hopelessness. Here's the thing: we're addicted. We're unbelievably, undeniably addicted to hopelessness.

Addiction: "the state of being enslaved to a habit or practice or to something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming...to such an extent that its cessation causes severe trauma."

Enslaved. What a piercing concept. When we give into our desires, our desires lead way to addictions, and our addictions result in lives of enslavement.

Here's the thing: we're all addicted to hopelessness. We're absolutely addicted to completely IGNORING the fact that there IS a God who wants to redeem us...We're addicted to forgetting Him. We're addicted to letting go of His love and immediately grabbing hold of hopelessness. In the process, we become enslaved to this hopelessness.

Anger fills my heart as I type these words. How have we become so incredibly stupid?! Literally Jesus is RIGHT THERE, right in front of us...and what do we do? We just ignore Him. We focus way too much on our issues, and not enough on His redemption.

Oftentimes our addiction to hopelessness turns into something more...a much more real kind of addiction. Sadly, I've known way too many people personally who have either died of addictions or are currently struggling with addictions. Whether this addiction take the form of a drug addiction or an eating disorder, it's all the same. It's all about denying the love of God and becoming addicted to hopelessness.

Imagine this: imagine working your whole life to get into your dream school. Now imagine having to leave that dream school. Why? Your drug addiction, of course. This is exactly what has happened to a close friend of mine. This person is no longer at this dream school. Nope, instead, this person is in rehab, not even beginning to comprehend the ways in which drugs have messed up his life.

The truth of the matter is that we are all addicted. Whether you're like my friend, who is addicted to drugs and whose life is falling apart at the seams, or you're like another friend of mine who battles an eating disorder every single solitary day, or you're just addicted to the feeling of hopelessness in general...we're all addicted to something. We're all enslaved.

My beautiful Jesus,

You tell me in John 8:36, "So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed." Father God, if I have learned anything in my short 18 years of life, it is that I will never be free until I am in You. So many times I have run to other things and other people...I have made these things my addictions. I have fallen into their traps. So often I have fallen into the lie of believing that these addictions will set me free. Yet in the process, just the opposite has happened. I've ended up completely enslaved to my addictions. In giving into my earthly desires, I've realized that the only One I truly desire is YOU. Lord, here is my prayer: I pray that You may become my only addiction. I pray that the only One I grow to desire is You, Your love, and Your unending satisfaction. Let the joy You bring me become the song of my life. Let Your love become my anthem. Beautiful Jesus, I pray for my readers, that this week and always, they may become addicted to You and only You. Lord, all addictions enslave. An addiction to the things of this world enslaves us to hopelessness. But an addiction to Jesus? An enslavement to joy everlasting. An enslavement to fullness of life. What else could possibly compare? What more could we ever want than You?

Lord, You are my one true addiction.

Song of the week: "Something Beautiful" by Needtobreathe
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ueP05bkWVvQ

Lexi, my beautiful best friend, I am so proud of you. At one time, we were both enslaved to brokenness and hopelessness. Today, we are enslaved to the freedom of the Lord. Thank you, lovely Lexi, for teaching me that where the spirit of the Lord is, there is deliverance, and that the Lord is my One True Addiction. I love you so much. Always remember, SSB and AWBW :)

Wasted Time

It amazes me how much time I've wasted.

To me, every moment I've spent apart from Jesus has been a meaningless moment.

Every day apart from Him, a completely wasted day.

Last night at 3:23 A.M., a good friend of mine texted me, "I really need to talk to you. I'm broken." When I called him, he proceeded to tell me about a girl who had deeply hurt him recently. The only words that came to my mind over and over again were, "Wasted time...wasted time...wasted time."

In high school, I was never the girl who always had boys chasing after her. Most boys my age saw me as an innocent little girl who only prayed in her spare time. Although this reputation oftentimes left me feeling extremely alone and unwanted, I wouldn't have had it any other way. Many times I felt a great emptiness inside of me, as if in some way I wasn't good enough for the people around me. Yet that emptiness I felt proved to be one of the greatest things that has ever happened to me, as it eventually pushed me to turn to Jesus. I gradually fell more and more in love with Him, realizing that He was all I ever wanted anyway.

Anyway, back to 3:23 A.M. "Wasted time...wasted time...wasted time," was all I kept thinking. Any time not spent with Jesus is wasted time. Here's the deal: People will always fail you. No matter if you're 8-years-old and you're crushing on the cutie in your second grade class, or if you're 50-years-old and you're married to the love of your life...people will always fail you. You cannot expect that 8-year-old cutie or that 50-year-old spouse to be perfect. Loved ones, family members, or friends will always fail you. But Jesus? Jesus will never fail you. His love never fails.

So why waste your time? Why waste precious time chasing after the things of this world? Do you feel as if you're running in the wrong direction? Stop running. Turn around. Notice Christ, standing right beside you. He's been with you this whole time, with His hand outstretched on your shoulder. You've been trying to run away from Him all your life. You keep thinking that you know what is best for you. You keep thinking that this world is what you need. He's just counting down the minutes, waiting desperately and eagerly for you to turn back to Him...to even notice Him for a split second. Remember, our God is a jealous God. He is jealous for you. And He will do whatever it takes for you to fall in love with Him.

So am I saying that you're never allowed to date anyone or get married? No, of course not. God made man and woman for a reason...to complement each other, to be in healthy relationship with each other. Yet what we must always remember is that nothing on this planet could ever compare to the love of Jesus. You may think you're enjoying your life. You may think you're making all the right decisions. But when you actually come to Jesus, when you walk this life hand-in-hand with Him, you'll realize just how much time you wasted...you'll realize that any moment not spent with Jesus is a meaningless moment.

Jesus, I'm tired of wasting time. I'm tired of running to this world and being so unbelievably let down by others. People constantly fail me, and I constantly fail others. I can't keep putting all of my hope in this world. Jesus, please, remind me that You are enough. You are surely more than enough. Every breath I breathe without You is meaningless. Every step I take without You is meaningless. Every day I live without You is meaningless. Time not spent in Your presence is wasted time. Jesus, You are my everything-my all. If it wasn't for You, I would still be so caught up in my brokenness. But You saved me; You made me whole. You restored my life. You filled me with the joy I so lacked. Lord, You are the source of all my joy. I shall glorify Your name with my life.

Jesus, It amazes me how much time I've wasted.

Song of the week: "Overcome" by Jeremy Camp

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rhmcmpX4Zn4&feature=related

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39

One of my best friends, Madeline Hill.

Madeline, thank you for teaching me that all I could ever desire, all I could ever want, can only be found in the arms of Jesus.

So as we think about this time we've wasted without Jesus, remember this: you must always look to the past to learn, and never to regret. Don't regret the time you've wasted without Him. But make the decision right here, right now, to learn from that wasted time and live life anew with Him.

(Taken by the lovely Madeline Hill)