The Source of All My Joy

"I could tell they had something I didn't have. I knew they were different than me. And I was willing to do whatever it took to be like them."

It was the summer of 2011. There I was, sitting in a circle with some of my camp friends at Sky Ranch Christian Camp in Powderhorn, Colorado. God's mountains surrounding me, faithful friends by my side, and the Word of God before my eyes...It can't get much better than this, I thought. My friends and I were deep in conversation, each taking the time to explain how she came to know the love of the Lord.

"I could tell they had something I didn't have." My ears perked up as soon as these words left Maggie's mouth. "For so long, my life was filled with sadness and meaninglessness. But their lives? Now, their lives were much different. There was something different about them. They had a joy that I didn't have. They loved life in a way that I didn't."

Who were these people so filled with joy? Christians. My dear friend Maggie noticed that the Christians she knew had a certain kind of happiness that she couldn't seem to find. When she eventually came to know the love of the Lord, she found that same happiness, and today she lives each day with the fullness of Christ's joy.

My beautiful friend Maggie, who is so filled with the joy of the Lord.

Everyday I wear a key to symbolize that God is the key to life. (For the story behind my key, read this...http://thehungerandthirst.blogspot.com/2012/08/the-key-to-life.html). God is the key to freedom, to love, to peace, to joy. So if you're looking for joy, you'll find it in Jesus. If you're looking for fulfillment, you'll find it in Jesus. Peace of mind? Strength? Patience? Satisfaction? It's all found in one place and one place only: at the foot of the cross of Christ.

I'll be completely honest: college is HARD. As a freshman in college, new temptations I've never really experienced before have attacked me from all different directions. It's completely overwhelming at times, and now and then I feel as if I've lost sight of who I am. This past week, for the first time in a long time, I came to the foot of the cross and surrendered everything to Jesus. It was such a good feeling, being back in His arms again. Nothing on this planet could ever compare to the way I feel when I am with Jesus. This week, I've fallen in love with Jesus all over again. After weeks of straying from His will and finding myself so caught up in my own desires, I've finally found Him again. "Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails." Proverbs 19:21

One night this week, I was praying in front of the Grotto on campus (which is the most BEAUTIFUL place in the entire world...), and I found myself crying out to Jesus for His love. I felt broken and lost, and I missed His embrace so much. I was confused as to why He had been so absent in my life the first few weeks of college, compared to how present He was in my life over the summer. In the midst of my plea for His love, He said these words to me, clearly and directly: "Where have you been? I've been here this whole time." I was so caught up in myself and my own desires that I quickly fell into the lie of believing that Jesus would ever leave me.

Yet what we must realize is that our God is a jealous God. (Don't believe me? See Exodus 20:5 and Deuteronomy 6:15.) When we turn from His love, He will literally do anything to get our attention back. He is jealous for us; He longs for our affection. And in the same way, growing in His grace and His goodness, we come to HUNGER and THIRST for His affection. This results in a romantic relationship with Christ Jesus our Lord, a relationship so powerful and so moving, that no other relationship on this planet could ever compare.

I want to take a moment to thank a very dear friend of mine. As I mentioned earlier, these first few weeks of college have been so unbelievably exciting and fulfilling, but at the same time, overwhelming. I've found myself falling more in love with the desires of the world, and less and less in love with Jesus. Thankfully, Jesus has blessed my life with my beautiful friend named Sophie. I met Sophie two years ago, and today we are fortunate enough to attend Notre Dame together. Through the struggles of these first few weeks, Sophie has reminded me of who I am. She has reminded me that the desires of this world are so unbelievably temporary...but as for the love of the Lord? There's nothing better. Sophie, thank you for reminding me of my sweet redeemer Jesus. Thank you for reminding me that Jesus is the rock to which my soul clings, that Jesus is the reason for my every breath, and Jesus - and only Jesus - is the source of all my joy.

"The joy of the Lord is my strength." Nehemiah 8:10

Song of the week: "Your Love is a Song" by Switchfoot

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0LbMxs3HDOs

Sophie and I on our last day of high school.

Sophie, thank you for reminding me that Jesus and only Jesus is the source of all my joy.

But Then I Found Jesus

Insecurity. A simple, painful ten-letter word familiar to us all. I'm starting to realize that the common characteristic that links all of humanity is none other than insecurity itself. I guarantee that every individual on this planet has encountered insecurity at least once along the journey of life. In this day and age, insecurity seems almost inevitable, what with the constant pressure to succeed intellectually that is so prevalent in our society, and the media's constant stream of advertisements aimed to provoke us to strive for perfection in our appearances. Indeed, it is only human to feel the way we do, to occasionally to deny our worth.

Like so many of you, I too have experienced prolonged bouts of insecurity in my lifetime. During this time, I found it hard to see the worth that is within myself. It was if I constantly told myself, "You are not good enough. You will never be good enough." I discovered it extremely difficult to find comfort in my own skin. I constantly compared myself to others, and only after a very long time of letting this plague of comparison consume my life, did I finally realize that, "Comparison is the thief of joy." I can assure you that joy was no where to be found during this time of my life.

But then I found Jesus. And it was at His feet, beneath His cross, that I discovered my worth. When I came to Him, I was so broken...so in need of redemption. His response? "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest" (Matthew 11:28). Everyday I wear a ring with these words on it, reminding me of my brokenness and my great need for His sweet redemption.

Last night, a good friend of mine texted me the following words: "Hey Haley, so I was having a rough night. I'm just confused, worried, and sad about things, so I started praying and I decided I wanted to read Bible verses online. Then I thought of your blog and how I haven't read it but I really wanted to. Right when I started reading your blog the answers that I needed jumped out at me. I just wanted to say thank you for proclaiming God's word. Thanks for helping me out tonight."

But here's the thing - it's not me; it's not me at all. It's Jesus working through me. "God has no hands and feet in this world but ours." I am simply serving as His humble hands and feet, doing the best I possibly can to share His grace with a world so in need. My friend who texted me last night is now understanding what it means to be overwhelmed with God's love. Her life is beginning to be redeemed by the saving power of our Lord.

I want the same thing for all of you. I want all 1,600 of the people who have viewed my blog to let their lives be redeemed by the saving power of the Lord this week. The truth of the matter is that we are all broken in our own way. Whether our brokenness takes the form of insecurity, depression, or hopelessness, there is one thing we all have in common: we all need Jesus. The first step to overcoming your insecurity, your depression, your hopelessness, etc. is coming to the beautiful feet of Jesus, beneath His cross, and literally giving everything to Him. All that I am, I surrender before the Lord. Give it all up to Him this week. Everything. Surrender it all. Leave it all at the foot of the cross.

This morning I went to church on campus for the first time in a while. Towards the end of Mass, I said to Jesus, humbly, patiently, and full of brokenness, "Please lift me up. Please redeem me." His response? "I already have."

Song of the week: "Redeemed"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vSyLqbP8Z4I&feature=related

Emma Jaspersen - my best friend, my light, my role model. This picture perfectly captures the way Emma lives her life, with a genuine joy that can only come from the sweet redemption of the Lord.

P.S. Shout out to my roommate, Mary Prouse. Happy now, Mary?
P.S.S. Shout out to my sister Rachel...who was very jealous of Mary's shout out and is desperate for her own (:

Why I Love This World

Let me tell you why I love this world.

There I was, sitting in my biology class on Tuesday. Then, something caught my attention: black bracelet, neon green lettering. A smile formed on my face the minute I saw it. The boy sitting in front of me was taking notes just as I, and the bracelet on his wrist contained the following words: Our hearts are restless until they rest in You.

For those of you who don't know, Saint Augustine once said these piercing words, which speak of the truth of the Gospel that we will NEVER be satisfied until we find satisfaction in Jesus. Naturally, the minute I saw this boy's bracelet, I could no longer focus on the powerpoint slide about the difference between prokaryotic and eukaryotic cells before me. You want to know why I love this world? I love this world because of this random boy. This random boy - whose name I don't even know, whose face I would never recognize - was not afraid to wear this bracelet. In a world where the last thing considered "cool" is being a Christian, he was not afraid to proclaim his love for Christ.

Last night I was talking to a new friend of mine here at ND. He told me that he was a Christian, but that he doesn't really like talking about his faith very much. The truth is that we live in a world where people are afraid to love the Lord. I've said this a million times on this blog already, but y'all (yes, to my new Notre Dame friends from the north...I DID just say y'all) nothing at all could ever be better than the love of Christ. The greatest thing this world has to offer is Jesus. Why be afraid to live for something so amazing, so unbelievable, so undeniably glorious?

Last week, I was talking to a family member of mine who is very staunch in his atheist beliefs. I asked him if he had a chance to read my latest blog post. His next five words caused me to stop in my tracks completely, "I did. It was embarrassing." He proceeded to tell me how I am a complete embarrassment to him, and how my faith - something I am literally willing to give up my whole life for - is just a bunch of myths, a collection of childish fairy tales.

"I did. It was embarrassing." Yes, these words hurt me more than this person will ever know. But you know what I've realized? Jesus is all I need. Jesus is my everything. I don't need the approval of man. I want to give up my whole life for Jesus - everything, all of my life, I want to surrender it to Him completely. Why? Because, as I mentioned in my very first blog post, I know exactly what it feels like to be completely and undeniably broken, and to find glorious redemption and grace at the feet of Jesus. Do I let the criticisms of others keep me from living out my faith? If anything, words like, "I did. It was embarrassing," only further encourage me to give up my life for Christ. If there are people in this world willing to tell 18-year-olds trying to live for Jesus that they're an embarrassment simply for doing so...well then that just reminds me of how much Jesus needs me to bring His light to this broken world.

So to the person reading this right now, wondering why in the world I care about an invisible being, listen to these words: give Jesus a chance. If you deny the existence of His great love, it's because you've never experienced it before. And if you're in that broken place in which I once found myself, pray for His redemption. Trust me, patiently await Him, and He will ultimately fulfill your every desire.

Remember this quote: "Our hearts are restless until they rest in You." Yes, this world can be very desirable and fulfilling at times. Boyfriends/girlfriends can fill you with happiness. Parties/alcohol can allow you to "let go" for a night. But the meaning of true happiness? Jesus. The definition of REAL joy? Jesus. Don't ever forget that. Do not chase this world, for you will surely be disappointed. Boys will disappoint you; friends will disappoint you; even family members will disappoint you. But Jesus? Never ever will He desert you. The only negative emotion He will ever bring you is the feeling of longing...yet this longing is not longing for something or someone other than Him or better than Him, but longing for MORE of Him, for a greater view of His presence in this world that is so in need of repair.

To the completely random boy sitting in front of me in biology on Tuesday, thank you. Thank you for not being afraid to wear that bracelet. Thank you for reminding me that true satisfaction is discovered in the loving embrace of Jesus and Jesus alone. And to my lovely readers, from my cousins Brittany and Chrissy in Dallas, to my cousin Jenn in Boston, to my friend Kirby in Scotland, thank YOU. You are the reason I do what I do. My prayer for you this week is that you may realize that your hearts will indeed be RESTLESS until you rest in Christ. Live in His love this week. Nothing is better than Him. Nothing.

Song of the week: "Everything" by Lifehouse

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fjDojEOiMcE

One of the greatest people I've ever met, Moriah Banas.

Moriah understands what it truly means to be totally and completely in love with Christ.

She has helped me to realize that my heart is restless until I rest in Jesus.

An Angel

As most of you already know, I'm more emotional than the average person, so it may not be a surprise that as I'm typing these words, tears are (yet again) falling down my face. Every Sunday as I prepare to post on my blog, I am reminded of just how great a God we serve. And every Sunday, I cannot help but sit in awe as I reflect on just how beautiful the Lord is. I often find myself thinking, It can't be true. There can't be a God THIS good. It's way too perfect to be real. But you know what's so cool? It is real. All of it. It's true - God is real; He is active; He is living in our hearts. This world did not form out of happenstance, but out of a divine will, and each person is put on this earth for a very specific reason. We were made with a divine purpose in mind, and the point of our lives is to discover and fulfill that purpose.

And what is our purpose? Do our lives even have a point at all? Why are we here?

In my dorm at Notre Dame, there is a chapel on the first floor. I find myself in this chapel very often throughout the week, sitting in the presence of Christ, reflecting on His beauty, and praying for all of you. In the room, there is book full of prayer requests. I walked into the chapel very late one Friday night to find a girl from my dorm, praying before the foot of the cross on her knees. A few things about the situation surprised me: 1) I was shocked to find another student praying in the dorm at 2:30 AM on a Friday night, and 2) I was taken aback when I saw the desperation with which she was praying. She was rocking back and forth, and tears were streaming down her face. The image of this girl will stay with me forever. In that moment, I was reminded of the distress that lies within each of our hearts, and the great desperation with which we are called to cry out to Jesus. 1 Peter 5:7 says, "Cast all your anxieties on Him because He cares for you." Needless to say, this girl was definitely casting her anxieties on Christ. She was coming to His feet, broken and in need of repair, trusting that He would heal her wounds and set her free. She clung to the words of Psalm 34:18, "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." She reminded me that in times of struggle, all we have to do is sit humbly before the foot of the cross, with tears in our eyes as we realize just how freeing His love is. And how freeing it is, indeed.

As I left the chapel some time later, I glanced at the book of prayer requests by the door. I saw the words, "For the desire to live," in small handwriting - humble handwriting, desperate handwriting. My eyes were frozen to the page...I quickly wrote a short prayer request, praying specifically for the girl who wrote this message, assuming that its author was the one in the chapel with me at that time.

The next day, as I was walking down the hallway, these words outside of a random girl's dorm caught my attention: "Cling to Christ and realize that there is nothing better than His great love. Lord, work in [my] life. Help us all to realize you are what we need." - an angel. Again, my eyes were frozen to these words, as I realized that I had written those same words the night before in the chapel prayer book.

So then I got to thinking. Me - an angel? Hah, you've definitely got the wrong girl. I've made way too many mistakes in my life to ever be classified as an angel. I am in no way deserving of Jesus' love or salvation and yet He gives it me anyway, saying, "Here, I'll always love you. Take this; take my love; it's Yours." Throughout the course of the past few days, I've thought about this word "angel," repeating it to myself over and over again.

Let's go back to my questions earlier - What is our purpose? Do our lives even have a point at all? Why are we here? Well, friends, I think I've come up with an answer: we were created to be God's angels to the world. I have realized that my only real purpose in life is to be an angel for Christ. Everything else, to me, is secondary. Yes, I am a student, daughter, and friend...but first and foremost, I am God's angel, called to bring His light to this world so desperately in need of His love.

In the same way, each of you are called to be God's angels. Each of us has a specific purpose in this life, and that purpose is to live for Christ. God, how good You are to me. How good You are to each of us. It is never too radical to challenge ourselves to live our lives - our WHOLE lives - for You.

So I have a challenge for each of you, if you're willing. Let's be God's angels. Let's share His love with this broken world. And in doing so, let's create Heaven on Earth.

My prayer for you this week is that you may realize just how beautiful God is. One day, I want tears to come to your eyes when you think of His love, His mercy, His forgiveness. Realize that NO ONE is perfect. No one has it all together, and you don't have to be perfect in order to be called a Christian. You don't even have to be good; you just have to WANT to become good and want to become more like Christ. This week, remember that Christ did not come to save the healthy, but to heal the sick. Doctors don't heal healthy people, do they? Christ is our doctor, providing medicine for the soul. He's waiting and willing to restore our lives. Let Him fill your brokenness with hope, right here in this moment. Go, be God's angel, and create Heaven on Earth in your community, your school, your home. Let peace reign in your hearts.

Danni Howard, one of my best friends,

and one of the many angels in my life.

the best feeling in the world

Today, I'm feeling small for the first time in a long time.

This is seriously the best feeling in the world. You probably think I'm crazy. How could feeling "small" be the best feeling in the world? There is nothing better than realizing just how small you are, and just how big God is. There's nothing cooler than realizing that you are a tiny, imperfect human being...while God is literally the biggest and best thing this world has ever seen.

It's so humbling to realize that without Him, we are literally nothing. Apart from Him, we can no nothing. (see John 15:5) The only thing good in us is Jesus. To be clear, I am not saying that people who do not follow Christ are "bad" people. What I'm saying is this: without Jesus, we are capable of being good people, but without Jesus, we are not capable of reaching our full potential. We need Him in order to become the people He has created us to be. And trust me, He has amazing things in store for us, if only we follow Him. "For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do" Ephesians 2:10 (NIV).

Today, Jesus has amazed me and surprised me all over again. He has reminded me yet again that there is nothing greater than His sweet, sweet redemption. Nothing - no party, no drink, no boy, no girl, no friend, no family member...nothing and no one will ever compare to His glory and His beautiful grace. I love feeling small. I love being reminded of the fact that the only good thing inside of me is Jesus. Wrap your mind around that: the One who is Sovereign, who is in control, and who will reign forever is inside of you and wants to use YOU to further His kingdom. I am completely humbled by the fact that Jesus, the only perfect, unchanging, and unfailing thing this world has to offer, wants to use me - little imperfect me - to bring light to the world. Let Him use you. "God has no hands and feet in this world but ours."

Beautiful Jesus,
Thank You for allowing me to feel small today.

Thank You for reminding me that the smaller I am, the greater I am. Lord, although I am so unbelievably flawed, Your power is revealed through my weaknesses (see 2 Corinthians 12:9). You use my weaknesses to show the world that where we lack strength, You are our strength, and where we lack courage, You are our courage. You are my refuge; to You I run in the midst of my despair, clinging to Your side. Lord, draw me closer and closer to You.

Allow me to fall in love with You all over again, focusing less on the desires and fake satisfactions of this world and more on Your unfailing grace. Never let me go a day without being reminded of just how good You are. Remind me that the fulfillment this world has to offer is not what I need. You are what I need. Your love is more than enough for me. You are my desire, my whole life, my everything. In You, I find the fulfillment for which I am desperately searching. I now know that this quest for satisfaction will never be fulfilled in this life, but only in You and in the life to come. In You, I am overwhelmed with the love I so desire. And I know in my heart without a doubt that "Your love is better than life" (Psalm 63:3).

Song of the week: "So Small" by Carrie Underwood
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nEQj6RrQbgA

Sometimes we must realize just how small we are and just how big our God is.

Yes Hunter Fulsom, that's you :)

Photo credit: the one & only Katherine Diamond